Analysis by Myra Salzer
I recently wrote a blog post on More Time To Think – the book and the practice of creating a Thinking Environment. Theories are great but, does it work? The answer is – YES!
Let me share some of the ways it has worked for me, personally, or ways I’ve seen it work for others.
As I mentioned in my blog post, I practice the Time-To-Think technique via Zoom web meetings with the classmate of mine who lives in Ireland. Every time we finish a session, I feel better, regardless of whether I was the thinker or the thinking partner. This spring, when I was panicking about how I had decided I needed to adjust my spending, the thinking session not only completely removed the frenzy, but resulted in my eagerly looking forward to taking on the challenge. Nothing changed financially. It was how I looked at it that changed so dramatically.
My Irish thinking partner, a mother of two young boys, recently found herself in “transition” as a result of her employer’s bankruptcy. Every day she had been lining up interviews and meetings and networking to fill the gap. After one of our thinking sessions, however, she felt eager to enjoy her time off and relax and get into a space where she was comfortable in her own skin and therefore, far more employable.
The technique invites the thinker to explore the limiting assumptions s/he is making about his/her objective and its accomplishment. But rather than focus on the limitations, the thinking partner’s questions guide the thinker to dismantle their limiting assumptions and arrive at what’s true and real for them.
One of the techniques introduced in Nancy Kline’s first book, Time To Think, is a brilliant solution for bickering partners. You know how it typically goes. You’re right, and your partner is wrong, and you restate and restate and restate your position in a louder and louder voice. By doing so, you serve only to convince yourself that you are right. Your partner does the same. Both finish the argument angrier than when it began.
For arguing couples, what Time To Think suggests is to sit down together with a timer. Each person takes a turn talking and the other listens without ever interrupting. When the time is up, the other person takes his or her turn. It goes back and forth and back and forth, whether each turn is two minutes or three minutes or even five minutes. If a person is done talking before the end of his or her allotted time, both parties sit in silence until the timer has run out.
True to form, the first few rounds are like any argument, except only one person is speaking at a time. But then, something magical happens. The listener starts listening, and the speaker starts understanding the other’s perspective. I’ve tried this methodology a few times and, without exception, both people felt better about the other and his or her position than before the session started.
TWC has had success with the Time-To-Think technique in the past when colleagues have difficulty seeing things eye to eye. Professional conflicts can be just as tense and detrimental as personal ones, and, to be honest, a hostile work environment affects the entire staff and cannot be allowed to persist. Often, it takes only one session of perhaps an hour for balance to be restored and a new understanding to evolve. As a result, TWC is a much more pleasant place to work, and people come away with a newfound perspective.
Nancy Kline’s books on the Thinking Environment are resources that provide practical information to anyone wanting to build relationships of quality and depth, be it in their personal or professional life. For more information about Nancy and her work, visit www.timetothink.com.