Post by Myra Salzer.
I’ll continue my series of blog posts covering the common mistakes surrounding transferring wealth with Mistake #3, “Never Saying No.” If you have not already done so, I invite you to read Mistake #1 and Mistake #2.
Mistake #3 – Never saying “NO”
As a parent with wealth, especially with teenage children, saying “No” can be tedious, and the backlash of negative ramifications can be upsetting. Often, it’s easier just to write the check than it is to say, “No!” “No” you may not have another streaming service or a new video game or a new outfit. It’s especially difficult when your child is in pain: your child has been fired from a job or is struggling with his or her start-up business. Believe me, I can remember. Rather than writing the check, however, try working with your children to come up with creative paths for them to get what it is they want. Yes, it will take more time. Yes, their ranting might seem endless. Say “No!” anyway.
Saying “No” will teach them important skills they will need throughout their lifetime. One heir I worked with had no conflict-resolution skills because his parents never said “No.” When he had a conflict with his one and only boss, his parents bailed him out, and he quit his job. When he had a conflict with his landlord, his parents bought the house he had been renting. He went on in life to have numerous divorces and estrangements. It was so sad!
I’m not suggesting you abandon your children. I am, however, suggesting that the greatest gift you can give them is the gift of your time and wisdom. Set an example. Help them create solutions on their own. Writing the check is usually not a solution.